I'd rather post about CJ, and how thankful I am to have him... Ha ha!! I am the person that will tell a joke to break the serious tone, so I'd just rather write about happy things than be a Debby Downer (because, hello?!, who wants to read that blog?!)
Seriously though, I do have a story that I've been wanting to share:
I was talking to a friend who I hadn't seen since before I had CJ. She has two kids, and we were watching the three kiddos play together when she asked "the question". The question that I never quite know how to answer and say different things depending on who it is I'm talking to. "When are y'all going to have another?" Being that she is a friend, I felt comfortable enough to tell her that "we had trouble getting pregnant with CJ". She said "oh, I'm sorry, how long did it take you?" To which, I replied "two years, and we had to do infertility treatments to have him". I guess not knowing what else to say? she said "we had trouble too with #2, I didn't get pregnant the first month and I was so upset, but we got pregnant the second month. You just gotta relax!" Ask any infertile and they will tell you that the #1 thing that they could go the rest of their life without hearing (other than "you're not pg") is "relax". I did not really know how to respond because I didn't want to make her feel bad since I knew she was coming from a place of genuine well meaning, so I just breezed over it and moved on...
But what I really wanted to say to her is: Infertility is a Medical Condition!!! Relaxing isn't going to magically make my body start producing more fsh (follicle-stimulating hormone), although I sure wish it would.
People don't ever know what to say when it comes to infertility. Some people with infertility want to talk about it openly, and others just aren't emotionally able to. And the friends and family don't know what to say either since the whole subject is so "taboo" in our society. If someone you know has diabetes, and they are giving themselves shots of insulin, people are just more likely to talk to them about their disease than if you have infertility and you are giving yourself shots of hormones. Both, however, are medical conditions!
The Resolve website has a great "Infertility Etiquette" guideline for family and friends of people dealing with infertility. I would recommend everyone checking it out if you have time, because it does a better job of giving "dos & don'ts" than I ever could. Note that the first thing on their list is "Don't Tell them to Relax"! Ha ha!!
Whew, Don't worry, I've had enough serious talk for the week too...more fun posts about the cutest toddler ever coming up!
4 comments:
Oh girl - been there done that! Those conversations are tricky. I know that most women who have never struggled with infertility just want to have something to say, but sometimes it's okay to NOT know what to say too. We get asked that question a lot now that Tommy is two - and my flat response is "We'll see what the Lord has planned for us." We're not preventing and we're not going out of our way trying either. If we have another, it will be a miracle just like Tommy was.
But I'm with you. It's a hard place to navigate through.
You couldn't have said it better friend...perfect :)
I wish they had this Infertililty Etiquette guideline when you were trying before you had CT. I may not not have made so many communication mistakes. I also like your comment Jennifer...so very true.
I think Jennifer said it right on. I love her answer for the question.Love you guys.............
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