Overwhelmed

I'm feeling so overwhelmed; in both good and bad ways. This is such a big week. The week that CJ goes from only child to big brother. The week that E joins our family. The week that JT and I become parents to and responsible for TWO children!! So many emotions...anxious, excited, sad, happy, stressed.

I've done everything I can possibly do for everything to be "ready". The checklist is all checked off, and yet, I still feel so anxious. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Philippians 4:6

The one thing I'm most worried/sad about is CJ. I worry so much about how this change will affect him. I know eventually it will be such a positive thing, for him to be a big brother. But, I know that initially it is going to be so hard for him to have all his schedules and routines turned upside down. And for the first time in his life he won't be the ONLY center of his Mama & Dada's universe. I feel so sad for him, and really hope that I can continue to be a good Mom to him as well as to his sister.

When you're pregnant, the whole going into labor thing is so scary. (The unknown always is.) I kinda feel like a ticking time bomb, with no clock...no way of knowing when it and if it will detonate on it's own. I didn't really mind this as much last time, when I was pregnant with CJ. Since it was just JT and me...But this time, now that we have CJ it feels so different. Being in the military, we don't have the luxury of family nearby...so we're having to rely solely on friends to be "on call" to take care of CJ when the time comes. I feel bad because everyone has families and lives of their own, and I hate so much feeling like an inconvenience.

People have continued to tell me how "small" my belly is. And yet, when I compared my belly pics from CJ's pregnancy to this time...my tummy looks pretty much the same. Fear creeping in... The doctor told me he thought E was probably "6 or 7 lbs". That is pretty much the SAME quote my doc in Michigan told me before my giant baby CJ came out. Totally Satan trying to scare me, but I can't help for my thoughts to drift back to memories of last time. "When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world." John 16:21

No matter how accustomed I think I am to KNOWING that things can't be planned...life always still continues to throw curve balls. There was a family medical emergency at "home" in SC last week. Things are "okay" and improving, but sadly, my parents won't be able to come visit right now. I'm sad about that and of course so worried about them since I'm physically unable to go there right now.

And poor little CJ has a cold. He would have to get sick the week we're going to have a baby...I've been planning and dreaming of him meeting his little sister in the hospital. Obviously if he is sick those plans will have to be adjusted. And because I haven't been sleeping well, and am feeling so exhausted, I have a scratchy throat today. Ugh.

Those are all my worries...but I have so much joy and excitement too!! Overwhelming me in the completely opposite way. We feel so much love and anticipation from our friends and family for the birth of this tiny miracle. I am so excited to finally get to meet this little girl who I've gotten feel growing and wiggling inside me. I cannot wait to see all the happiness that she is going to bring and the good changes to come for our family. I so look forward to wrapping my arms around baby E and have her wrap herself around my heart forever. I hope I can REALLY cherish every second this time because I've seen firsthand how quickly children grow watching CJ. "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above..." James 1:17

Selfishly, I am asking for prayers. Prayers for me to be able to "let go" and trust that God has everything under control. Prayers labor and delivery to go well. Prayers for E to be healthy. Prayers for CJ and the transition. Prayers for JT and me to be able to handle this change and be the best parents possible to both our son and daughter. Prayers for my parents. Prayers for CJ and me to kick this cold quickly!

The next blog post will hopefully announce the arrival of our E! :)