Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The reality beneath the façade

You read all these posts about us having fun, and going to the zoo every week and might think to yourself, "geez, that must be nice..."and while it is nice, life isn't nearly as perfect as what it may seem. This is my blog, and I choose to share and record the happy moments (because those are the ones worth remembering anyhow!) but in an effort to be more authentic, I thought I'd share a little more than what usually appears on the surface.

The reality is that moving every 3 years is HARD. This is my third duty station with JT and while I do enjoy military life overall, it isn't easy. It is hard starting over, over and over again. It is hard being on the opposite side of the country from all your friends and family. Even silly stuff that no one thinks about like learning your way around new grocery stores adds an extra challenge to everyday life. When you first get somewhere, it is so exciting and new, full of promise. But as time wears on, the newness wears off and reality sets in. This is where we live now; we're not on a vacation. There is no going back to all the familiar places and people we knew. Making friends and making a place feel like "home" take time, and that time, in all honesty, can be kinda lonely.

The reality is that I am LONELY! Please don't get me wrong, I LOVE staying home with CJ, and realize how fortunate I am to have this time with him right now. CJ and I go to the zoo a lot, but we do it by ourselves. I'm not trying to complain, but he can't exactly carry on a conversation with me just yet. Days when family and friends call me on their lunch break or on their drive home from work are great! I check my email about 500 times a day on my phone hoping to get an email from an actual person. I know that this is just a phase, a lonely phase until we make some friends here or someone comes to visit us...but knowing that this will pass eventually doesn't make the days right now any less lonely.

I'm not throw myself a pity party, but just trying to paint a complete, honest picture of what life can be like for a stay-at-home mom right after a big move: HARD and LONELY.

JT's time off of work couldn't have come at a better time for me. Selfishly, it was so wonderful to have someone to talk to, do things with and help out with CJ. And all the family time was an added bonus. :) CJ and I are headed to SC in a week, and I am really looking forward to that precious time with family and friends. When you only get to see your family twice a year, you really don't take that time together for granted!!


Sue said...

Lacy this was so beautifully written and I can imagine to a small extent what you are going through. Here in Edisto it is lonely and noone to talk too but in my case it is the laziness of not going out and doing something about it and I have no excuse for at least I am close to Beaufort and part of my family. My hat is off to you that you are trying to make friends and a new life. Please always remember you can call me ANY time for I love to hear you and all the "stuff" your family is up too. I may not feel what you feel, but I do understand...great post!

Jennifer said...

I love your honesty. I hear your loneliness and how hard the change is on you. And I hear you trying to enjoy where you are too. I don't know this kind of life, but I do know what loneliness feels like friend. <3 Thinking of you...

Alexis said...

Lacy, I was going to reply to the comment you left on my blog, but my reply is actually what you just posted. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I do have family here, and I see them at church, but my husband is working full time and going to school full time. We only have one car, and I'm home EVERY SINGLE SECOND of my life except for church. He even does the grocery shopping on his way home to save as much gas as possible since we live far out of town. Being home with my boys is truly a dream come true, but I am desperate to be with people who don't wear diapers, you know? I poured so much of myself into my blog, and it was becoming a bigger discouragement because, even though I didn't blog for comments, I felt like people didn't care about me. I know that really isn't true, and so after I thought about it for a while, I decided that it was more of a burden than a blessing to me. It was helpful to get my thoughts "out there", but hurtful when no one had anything to say. So I've been devoting more time to crafting. It's extremely therapeutic for me. Do you have a hobby that you might can pick back up?

We don't have a MOPS group in our small town, but I'm SURE there's one there. I bet there's another mom near you who feels exactly the same way. Wish we lived closer! I'd SO ask you to come over! I'm sure our boys would be best buddies!!

Kendra said...

Lacy - I so appreciate your honesty!! I can only imagine. Moving so often would take a toll. I think you worded it perfectly, that at first it feels like a vacation, but then that wears off.

When we first moved (although only an hour from our home town) it was so helpful that the Church we finally settled on (after lots of searching) had a great young adults group.

I hope you guys find a great Church soon that has LOTS of young, fun, kind, caring, loving moms just like you!!!!