Take 2...

Okay, let me TRY once again to get caught up. Since I'm so far behind I'm going to just hit the main highlights.

If I still have any readers left (doubtful), here is an outline of what is to come:

JT's Birthday
Halloween
Thanksgiving Trip
E's 6 & 7 months
Day Out with Thomas
KinderTots at the San Diego Zoo
Advent Activities
Christmas
New Years

Hopefully tomorrow isn't the end of the world, because then I'll never get these posts done. HA HA! Also, I may be the only person on the planet blogging about Halloween a few days before Christmas. Whatever. Enjoy! :)

Catching up...yeah right.

I'm starting to learn after nearly 6 months as a mom of two kiddos I am not going to get "caught up" anytime in the near future. This is a hard lesson for my Type-A planner personality, who would really enjoy having all my ducks in a row again. I feel like since having baby #2 that I am on that horrid stair stepper machine at the gym. Every time I get close to being "on top" of things, the speed increases, it's a constant uphill battle, and no matter how hard I try, how hard I work, I'm just not able to get everything done. I really struggle feeling like I'm not getting anything "accomplished" but then I look at the faces of my beautiful children and know that the laundry, dishes, cleaning, emails, blog posts and everything else can wait (which is good, because they all DO! ha ha.)

It's been almost a month since my parents were here, but it feels like yesterday...then we had JT's birthday, Halloween and life in general racing ahead full steam. I'm going to recap all of these events in posts because they are too important not to document despite taking place awhile ago! :)

Life with Two

When we found out we were expecting baby #2, I remember parents with more than one kid being very encouraging and saying how it was going to be easy. "Going from 1 to 2 is so much easier than going from none to 1"...

They lied. Well, maybe they didn't? Maybe it is "easy" for other Moms, but NOT FOR ME.

I think having two kids is TWICE as much work. There are now TWO little people relying on me at all times to keep them clean, fed and happy. I don't know how parents of twins do it!! (Kendra, my hat is seriously off to you!)

I find it super hard to meet everyone's needs. I constantly feel like I'm doing a half-butted job. When E is nursing, CJ is having to entertain himself. (He'll say "all done feeding E?!"and it breaks my Mama heart because I know he wants more than I am able to give). And when I'm busy with CJ there are times that E is having to cry. (equally breaks my heart). There are two of them and only one of me and I feel like I'm doing them both a horrible injustice. When CJ was a baby, I'd have all the time in the world to sing to him and play baby games. E gets to do those things when I can find time in between telling CJ not to jump off the couch and not to throw things in the house.

Venturing out in public by myself with the two of them is something I'm just now getting comfortable with. It's so challenging! Especially the store! I still don't take both kids to the store by myself unless I HAVE TO. First of all, to find a time window where they are both happy so we don't have a melt down is hard enough. E's car seat takes up the entire cart, and then CJ rides in the seat part...so where the heck do you put stuff? (I could wear E in the Ergo, but then CJ would probably spend the entire time kicking her as I pushed the cart). It's challenging even trying figure out how to get them both in and out of the cart. (Think about it...leave one in there to potentially roll away or get taken while you are loading/unloading the other one...) STRESSFUL.

And don't even get me started on my inability to get ANYTHING done around the house. Cleaning falls to the bottom of the priority list (since a tornado hits the house several times a day anyhow...) and we're lucky if I can throw a dinner together. Maybe if my son took naps? But always having to be on "high alert" 24/7 without breaks is tough. Toddlers need CONSTANT supervision. It is mind blowing how quickly they are able to get into trouble (or at least mine anyhow).

By the time JT comes home, I'm so relieved that help has arrived, that I toss whichever kid is crying into his arms. Quite the welcome home for him I imagine...plus the usual lack of dinner.

My life is in a continuous state of chaos. Everyone who knows me knows this, and anyone who doesn't can probably figure it out by my disheveled exhausted look. There is never a free moment it seems, and when there finally is, all I want to do is just sit and do nothing or sleep.

Don't get me wrong. I am SO SO SO thankful for my two blessings, but taking care of them is hard work! I know things won't always be this way. I know one day CJ will be potty trained. One day he'll be able to pour his own milk and get his own snacks 52,000 times a day. I know that one day E won't need to eat so frequently. One day she won't blow out a diaper the second I get her strapped into the carseat. I know that one day I'll actually get to eat a warm meal or go to the bathroom in peace. One day I might miss this "season" of young children...well, maybe certain parts. I DEFINITELY know I won't be telling any expectant Moms that it is going to be "easy".

Worth the Wait

Since this pregnancy has been pretty rough on me, I've said a number of times that "I'm ready for her to come". I do feel guilty saying that, after going through everything we had to to have CJ, and knowing there are still so many ladies who would love to be in my shoes. I find it to be such a fine line to try and walk...between being considerate of my friends with infertility, but still being real about pregnancy and motherhood. I don't want to sound ungrateful, but not every moment of pregnancy and being a mom is always perfect and wonderful.

Anyhow, I saw something this week that kind of snapped me back to reality, and made me want to stay pregnant just a little while longer.

WOW! Talk about a difference. There were several other risk factors and important reasons listed, but probably since I'm a visual person, the comparison of the brains is what struck me the most.

I'm going to try to enjoy my last few weeks of being pregnant, since I'll never again feel a baby hiccuping or wiggling around in my belly. I'll tough it out, as long as she wants (within reason!) for HER. Because, just like her big brother, she is most definitely worth the wait!

Don't Be SO Honest!

DISCLAIMER: I'm not fishing for compliments or trying to make anyone feel bad for saying any of these comments, just voicing my opinion.

I know this is 95% my hormones talking...but I'm just wondering:

What's up with people feeling like because you are pregnant they have the right to comment so HONESTLY about you/to you?

When I was pregnant with CJ and I gained 50 lbs. Yes, FIFTY. Pick your jaws up off the ground. HA! People would tell me "Whoa! You really POPPED this week!" or "Are you sure you aren't having twins?!"

This pregnancy I have gotten the opposite...

People like to tell me "You don't even look pregnant" or "You are SO small."

Okay people...

Don't you know that this is already SUCH a self conscious time for a woman?! To be creating/growing a human really isn't easy. Throughout both pregnancies I've thought at times "Am I too big/too small?" "Have I gained too much weight/too little weight?" I've compared myself to other preggos and worried I was a different or possibly the "wrong" size. THE LAST THING any pregnant woman needs is other people making her feel any more insecure than she already probably does.

My main point is that you wouldn't just walk up to someone who wasn't pregnant and start commenting about how big they look, or how tired they look. So DON'T do it to preggos!!!

This is what I tell pregnant people: "You look great."

I'll get off my soapbox now. ;)

Make New Friends

I've always struggled with making new friends. Not exactly conducive to a life constantly on the move in the military, but I'm working on it! I'm so glad that I always get to move with my very best friend, JT. And I also feel so lucky to have a "built in" best friend in my little sister.

The first 18 years of my life were spent in the same town, so I graduated high school with people I went to elementary school with. I was never in the popular "cool group", and I feel like that affected my self esteem. Clemson is a pretty big school so I struggled a little making friends there at first. But I eventually found my footing, and my two best girlfriends to this day are my classmates/roommates I met ten years ago this year at Clemson. When we moved to Hawaii, it was difficult to make friends there because there is a dramatic divide between the kama'ina (locals) and military (as in locals don't like military). Since I was working full time with locals, and then going home to a military base, it was challenging. In Michigan, most of the friends I made were my co-workers, but we didn't really hang out much outside of work until I got laid off. (I guess I felt nervous about trying to hang-out outside of work, because if it didn't "work out" it would make for an awkward work day? Or maybe I just assumed that everyone already had enough friends and didn't need ME? Who knows!)

When CJ was born, it suddenly became much easier for me to make friends. He makes me feel more confident, and is my "ticket" to talk to other Mamas. With him on my hip I'm not nearly as worried about being rejected by a potential friend, because I'm thinking more about him (and the 500,000 other things on our to do list). I had a really great group of Mommy girlfriends in Michigan, and I really miss them. We would have play dates, and moms nights out.

When we first moved here to San Diego I tried to find where I fit. Honestly I was a little intimidated by the beautiful "SoCal" women (I don't usually wear makeup or do my hair or dress up) so I was worried I wouldn't fit in. We don't live in "base housing" so I don't meet many other military wives (and the Dental Corps doesn't really have a great support system for spouses here). We live in a primarily "older" community so it has been hard to meet neighbors with kids. I joined a group on meetup.com but it didn't end up being a good fit for CJ and me. (The moms were all much younger so we didn't have much in common and their babies were younger than CJ, so naptimes didn't coordinate very well. We both needed friends closer to our ages, and similar lives.) I joined MOPS and made some good friends there as the year has gone on. This fall, I got "lucky" that another group on meetup.com had an opening...so I tried it out. Happy to say I found my fit! :) Most of the ladies are nice, fun and they are primarily in their early 30's. (The group has a monthly wine night, how can you NOT love THAT?!) and their kids are close in age to CJ!

A whole bunch of us are pregnant at the same time due in the next two months so that is fun too!

The group hosted a "Group Baby Shower" which was so nice! We had lunch down in La Jolla.

All of the preggos in the group. (This post is already SO late because one lady had her baby already! I had to get it posted before anyone else did! HA!)
In addition to the lunch, they also gave each pregnant lady a color coordinated "Hospital Survival Kit". (Pink-girl, Blue-boy or Green). Super cute! I can't wait to wear my pink socks at the hospital!
One of my new friends. Her daughter is exactly a month older than CJ, and her due date with her baby boy is exactly a month before Baby Girl's due date! :)
"Make new friends, but keep the old" was a song we used to sing in Girl Scouts when I was younger. I'm thankful to have friends scattered across the country, and I try hard to keep in touch with everyone as often as I can! But, I'm also so glad to be making new friends here in San Diego, it definitely helps it feel more like home!

When it Rains it Pours

Let me preface this story by saying ALL FOUR OF US ARE OKAY. Thank God!

The weekend before Nana arrived, JT, CJ and I were in a car wreck. After JT being out of town for a week, and then me being sick for a week, and then CJ being sick for a week...I was REALLY itching to get out of the house! So despite the bad, rainy weather, we went on a few errands as a family. On our drive home, we were driving on the interstate. (San Diego is so big, you pretty much have to drive on the interstate to go most places). Since it was raining, and the road was wet, we were going "slower" than usual (probably like 65?) We hit a slick spot and started to hydroplane. Despite his best efforts, JT couldn't get the car straightened out. We did a 360 to our left across two lanes of traffic and then the back end (passenger side) of the car slammed into the concrete highway divider.

We are SO thankful that we didn't hit any cars, and that no cars hit us as we spun, crossed the lanes or as we were sitting unable to move in the middle of the interstate. We are SO thankful that if we had to hit, that it was the back of the car that hit, so we were with momentum. (The airbags didn't deploy. And that way the force of the impact was absorbed into our seat backs-CJ included because we had just only the month prior turned him around to be forward facing-Thank God for that too!)

God completely shielded and protected us. And moments after impact I felt Baby Girl squirm so I knew she was fine too. What a blessing! It was very very scary. One of those moments you see in a movie, moving slow motion like a dream. It doesn't seem real until it happens to you, and then all the "what ifs" and the reality of what could have been a very different outcome start creeping into your mind.

SO SO SO thankful. Granted the timing isn't the greatest: having to buy a new car on top of all the expenses a new baby is about to bring...but it's just a car, and it's just money...and things like our family are SO completely priceless!

Right after we hit, we made sure we were all okay and comforted a crying, frightened CJ. After we told CJ that it was okay, and everyone was okay, he gave us a little comic relief. He said "Bumpy Road!" to which JT and I couldn't help but smile and say "yes, that was bumpy CJ!" And 5 minutes later he said "CJ Bumpy." We had to laugh. Life is too short not to. What a sweet innocent boy's interpretation of a car wreck. Another thing CJ enjoyed was getting to ride in the tow truck. The cab was so big he compared it to "Mack" but since it was a tow truck he also called it "Mater".

When tow truck driver dropped us off, CJ stood by the front window watching. And as he pulled away with our vehicle he said "Bye Bye Blue Car". All week he has asked about it. "Ride in Blue Car?" No, CJ the Blue Car is hurt. Then he started asking "Blue Car Better?" So I had to change the reply to No, CJ the Blue Car is broken. So he's been telling me "Blue Car broken, ride in black car!" (our rental car is black).

We heard from the insurance company last night that our car is officially totaled. Praying we can find a good deal on a new car, but more than anything just SO SO THANKFUL!

No Rest for the Weary

This isn't going to be an uplifting post, and I apologize in advance...life isn't always sunny.

I thought last week was tough! JT was in Chicago for a Dental Conference, so I was a "single mom" for 5 days to a teething toddler. Whew. That kicked my butt big time. (hence the lack of blog updates).

Then came this week...Sunday I woke up not feeling well. Nauseous, very tired and my back hurt. All of these things can also be pregnancy symptoms so I didn't really think *too* much of it. Especially when I took an anti-nausea pill and started to feel better. By the afternoon I was feeling well enough to go enjoy the GORGEOUS day, but after being up and about for about an hour, I knew it was a big mistake. I haven't really had an appetite since Sunday, and I'll spare y'all the details, but I'm having some digestive issues. Monday night I started shivering on the couch (while under two blankets) and sure enough I had a small fever. I've had ZERO energy (like even lifting CJ to change his diaper takes all my strength), and just feel horrible in general. CJ has had a fever too the last couple nights (but seems to feel fine?!), so I'm guessing he and I may have the same "bug". FUN TIMES.

JT is "acting" clinic branch director this week so he has had to work late everyday trying to catch up on paper work and take care of all those extra responsibilities. And he has had to meet with the base C.O. twice during that time, so he's had a hard week too. Despite his long days, when he gets home at 6pm, JT has been SO helpful, and dives directly into "Dada mode" and also tidies up the disaster CJ has turned the house into each day. I am so thankful for such a wonderful husband and parenting partner!

I have to admit that tonight I had a small pity party for myself. Not my finest moment, but I'm reaching my breaking point. Remember when JT had pneumonia in January? And he got to lay in bed all day and get better and be quarantined and not have to "deal with" being a parent on top of all that? It is SO hard being a stay at home mom and being sick, because there is no such thing as a "sick day". Especially, as a military family; it's really hard being on the other side of the country from family during times like this. No daycare/grandparents house for me to drop CJ off at while I try to get better. Don't get me wrong, I know how very blessed I am to have my son, and be pregnant with this little girl and to have the chance to stay home...but I'm sick (& pregnant) and I NEED a break!!! Hurry up Saturday!!!!!! (Although I sincerely hope I feel better before then!)

Okay...enough complaining. But I had to vent a little, and show that my life isn't always perfect escapades of us going to the Zoo everyday...there are hard times too.

Back Pack

I don't have a picture to accompany this story (yet). (But don't know that I would share it on my blog even if I did?)

I HATE wearing a bra. Not just when I'm pregnant. Always. The only time I ever really NEED one is when I'm breastfeeding (for obvious reasons). So, anyhow, when I get home from our morning activity, the first thing I do (after a trip to the potty to pee) is take off my bra. CJ has started a new "game". He grabs my bra as soon as I set it down, and runs down the hall trying to put it on his back saying "Back Pack". HA HA. I guess since it has two straps, he thinks it is a backpack?! It is hilarious!!!

CJ's Birth Story Part 2

This is a continuation of CJ's Birth Story Part 1 from yesterday. (Same thing I said applies, if you don't want to read about child birth...stop reading!)

We both got up the morning that was to be CJ's birth day, January 10, 2010 at around 9:30am. The Cervidil was removed and I was about the same: 80% effaced and 1 cm dilated. I took a shower, and was allowed to eat a big breakfast: oatmeal, eggs, blueberry muffin, fruit and apple juice. Thankfully I was allowed to have apple juice and orange juice throughout the entire labor process, which was nicer than the "ice chips" that you always hear about.

I knew going into it that induction was already NOT on the birth plan, but I was bound and determined to still try to do things as naturally as possible. I told the nurses NOT to ask me if I wanted an epidural, and that I would let them know. The Pitocin was started at 12 noon. It was started at a low dose and gradually increased every 30 minutes. We watched a few movies (flipping around the TV): Eight Below, Ratatouille, and We Were Soldiers.

At around 3pm I started feeling the contractions, and having pain. We did laps around the labor floor (it is a circular layout) and used the birthing ball. JT was a SUPER support person and massaged my back, and helped me any way he could. The labor started getting REALLY painful, especially in my back. The nurses thought that the back of baby's head was pushing against my back during the contractions making so painful (back labor).

Around 4:30pm the contractions started getting REALLY intense. I remember sitting on the birthing ball in the dark, with JT putting pressure on my back, listening to my "Labor" playlist on the iHome and I just couldn't take it.

At 6:30pm I requested the epidural. At first I felt like a "failure" because I couldn't handle the pain, and almost everything on our birth plan wasn't going according to plan...But at 7pm when the epidural arrived and I wasn't in as much pain, I felt VERY relieved. They checked me before placing the epidural and I was at 6cm.

I was able to rest and possibly even nap? (can't remember) for a little bit. I think the epidural helped my body to "relax" tremendously because when they checked me again at 8:50pm I was fully dilated and at +2 station. This is where things really started going downhill...

We were just about to send another update email to our families that "everything was good and we were going to start pushing soon" when CJ's heart rate started dropping. They had me lay on my left side to try to help him. His heart rate still wasn't what they wanted to see. SO scary. They placed a sensor on his head to get a more accurate heart rate.

Thankfully things calmed down a bit. After laying on my left and monitoring him internally they were happy with his heart rate and probably around 10:30pm said we could start pushing. By now, some of the numbness of the epidural had worn off so I was able to "help" with the pushing because I could feel the "urge" and when I was having a contraction. The nurse had me do a few "practice pushes", but I think I did pretty well because she told me not to push any more and that we needed to wait for the doctor.

**This is where things get hazy, and surreal (JT stopped taking his notes about the labor and things got crazy) so I retell it to the best of our recollections. **

When the doctor arrived (a VERY cute male Resident, not pertinent to the story, but a memory nonetheless) we started pushing again. A few good rounds and we were getting close. I guess CJ was getting stuck because they told me they needed to do an episiotomy. (Thank God for my epidural #1) So they did that, and I did another round of pushing. But then CJ's heart rate dropped again. They told me that I needed to get him out on this next push or else they were going to have to use the vacuum. So I pushed as hard as I possibly could, and CJ was born at 11:17pm. He was placed on my chest immediately (one thing that actually DID happen from my birth plan) and he was so beautiful.

I could tell there was something going on "down there", especially when the Attending Dr. was called in, but I was too busy admiring my new son to pay too much attention. When they took him to the bassinet on the other side of the room to clean him up, weigh him, etc. rather than letting him stay with me for the hour I had wanted/trying to nurse, I knew something was up. CJ weighed 9lb, 5oz and was 22.5 inches long. (Thank God for my epidural #2).

They said that when CJ was came out, I tore A LOT on top of the episiotomy. (Thank God for my epidural #3). They needed to get the bleeding to stop, and couldn't get me sewn back up in the delivery room because they were having a hard time seeing how far "up" (inside) the tear went. I needed to be taken to the Operating Room.

Scariest moment of my life. Probably JT's too? but I can't speak for him. Here, my dreams of becoming a Mama FINALLY just came true, and instead of being able to enjoy it, and enjoy this beautiful blessing, I am thinking I am going to die. While they were getting me situated to be wheeled away, I made JT take a few pictures of CJ. I asked him to take one of CJ with me "just in case" but he just couldn't do it. I imagine he didn't want to make the moment any more real? The look of fear on his face is one I'll never forget. I remember them taking me away...JT standing there in shock holding his newborn son and wondering about about the fate of his wife...

They took me to the OR, and I can't say enough good things about my doctors that night/early morning, that I credit with saving my life. The attending OB from my delivery room was came with me and was absolutely wonderful. She explained that she couldn't tell how far up I ripped (because of all the bleeding), but if I ripped too high they were going to need to cut me open similarly to a C-section to repair it from inside. I remember asking her "Am I going to die?" and her confidence and comforting manner as she said "No" was amazing. She was joined by another surgeon in the OR, and the two of them worked together surveying my "situation" and sewing me back up. They were longtime friends so to see how comfortable they were to work together also put me at ease. I had an anesthesiologist who sat right next to me and talked to me the whole time. She had the most LOVELY British accent, and again, made my experience more "pleasant" by her kindness. Thank God for my epidural #4 because otherwise they would have had to put me completely under. Here I was all by myself in the hospital OR, bleeding and each of those women made me feel "calm".

I ended up with a third degree cervical tear. I, thankfully, did not need a blood transfusion, but it was really close. When I returned to my room around 3am, CJ was sleeping in his bassinet and JT has never looked so relieved. I was disappointed because JT told me that CJ was "rooting" (looking to nurse) shortly after I left, and I hated that I missed that chance and those first few hours of his life! :(

Around 3-3:30am JT was FINALLY able call our friends and family and fill them in. (He wanted to wait until he could tell them Lacy & baby are both doing well, rather than waking them up in the middle of the night and worrying people that live far away while I was in the OR). I was FINALLY able to eat something while he was doing that. They wanted me to eat as much as I could since I lost so much blood.

By the time we both fell asleep from exhaustion it was probably around 4:30 or 5am. I remember my "alarm" kept going off because my pulse would dip so low and a nurse would have to keep coming in to check on me and to shut it off. I was LIVID when at 6am a nurse WOKE ME UP to ask me what kind of birth control I wanted. I was like are you KIDDING ME?! I had to do infertility treatment to even have CJ, and THAT is the LAST thing on my mind right now after last night. Grrr.

Anyhow. Thanks for reading (those of you that made it through!). It was cathartic for me to write. Now just praying that we have a different experience with the birth of Baby Girl! I doubt I'll have much of a birth "plan" this go around...or at least realize that probably nothing will go according to "plan"...but I do PLAN on getting an epidural! ;)

CJ's Birth Story Part 1

This is going to be a long post (and there may be some TMI moments-hello it is child birth!), so bear with me (or hit the x at the top of your screen). But this is something I feel like I have to write down to help me deal with my CJ's birth story before heading back in to Labor & Delivery with Baby Girl. I've shared bits and pieces with various friends, and have even gotten comfortable rattling off the "facts" with people (just like infertility) but have rarely, if ever, really talked about the emotional aspect of what I went through that night.

I woke up this morning with another headache. One of my theories behind my headaches this pregnancy (other than them being hormonally related?) is that I was so sick in the first trimester that I stopped wearing my night guard mouthpiece. (Sexy, but when you're married to a dentist, maybe it is? HA HA!) Anyhow, I grind my teeth in my sleep when I'm stressed (hence the night guard because I once ground so hard I broke a filling in my sleep). In addition to my headache, this morning I also woke up with a scripture running through my mind:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6

I thought that was a sign, so after reading my Bible and saying a prayer, I got my computer out and started writing.

I've always struggled with worry my whole life. When I was even a little girl I would tell my mom I had my "worried feeling". It would come around sometimes for no reason, and other times when there was something "worth worrying about". I think it is Satan trying to get to me.

When I was going through infertility, one of my best friends gave me a little plaque with that scripture on it, and it was so fitting! I sat it on my desk at work and would recite it over and over. Presenting our infertility "with thanksgiving" was difficult then, but in hindsight I am so completely thankful that CJ was the baby God chose for us in His perfect timing.

And now, as I start to think about delivering Baby Girl, and all my worries surrounding that...hoping it won't be the same as last time. I present my anxiety to God with the thanksgiving that we were given this opportunity to go to Labor & Delivery again, that we were given this miracle baby girl.

At my ultrasound last week when they told me baby was 61%, my first thought was SO thankful that she is growing so well despite all the "risks" we were up against with my low PAPP-A. My next thought was fear. Oh gosh, she is going to be BIG just like her big brother. (CJ was 9lb, 5oz). My mind started racing and worrying, thinking we could be headed down the same path in the delivery room. When I met with my OB, he was very reassuring that if she stayed on that same bell curve for growth, she will be a "normal" sized baby, and went onto tell me that CJ was more like 95%. Phew... Praying for her to keep growing well, but just not quite as well as her brother! ;)

CJ was due on Saturday, January 2, 2010. Since we had to do infertility treatments with him and I know the exact day he was conceived, this was an accurate due date. His personality that we see today of doing what he wants WHEN HE wants, was true from the very beginning because he did NOT want to come out! I can't say I blame him...I've never been a fan of cold or snow, so I'm sure staying nestled up in my warm belly was much more appealing than being born into a Michigan winter. ;)

On Thursday, January 7, 2010 at my weekly Dr's appointment I was 75% effaced, and 1cm dilated. I had already lost my mucus plug at that point (gross!). The Dr. said my cervix was "softening up nicely" so I would be a good candidate for induction if baby boy didn't come on his own. She scheduled me for induction for Saturday, January 9, 2010 (41 weeks pregnant). (Of course depending on how busy L&D was). We were able to start booking plane tickets for my mom, my sister & my best friends to fly up from the Carolinas since we finally had a "date."

JT and I went out to dinner that Friday night at our favorite Ann Arbor restaurant, Pacific Rim, knowing it would be our last chance to go out on a date for a while. On Saturday, we did every last minute preparation we could think of, called all our family and friends and anxiously awaited the call from the nurses at the hospital that it was "okay to come in." When we got the "go ahead" we headed to the hospital around 7pm. We checked into University of Michigan Hospital Triage at approximately 7:15pm on January 9, 2010. We had taken Lamaze class, and had written a very detailed "birth plan" of how we wanted things. I requested and felt lucky that I there was a room with a tub available for us (most rooms have a shower only). It was kind of weird checking in, so surreal, so similar to checking into a hotel...all of our bags, no emergency, but knowing when we left it would be with our baby boy.

Cervidil was placed vaginally around 9:30pm. (It's basically like a tampon soaked in medicine). We walked around a the labor floor a little bit, but mostly chilled in the room. Jay fell asleep around 12:30am on his chair that folded out to a bed. I couldn't sleep! I was too excited/scared/anxious, so around 2:30am the nurse asked me if I'd like an Ambien to help me sleep and I said "yes!"

Check back tomorrow for the rest of the story: CJ's Birthday!

Just for me...

It dawned on me the other day that on my list of goals for 2012, there was not one thing on there just for me. So I've decided to amend it slightly to correct that, at least until baby girl arrives and my world gets turned upside down. (and I will still try, as I can, after she is here).

I am going to start implementing a "lunch break" for myself. The second I get CJ down for his nap and his door closes, its like the gun firing for the beginning of a race and I run around the house trying to get as much done as possible. I am going to start forcing myself to sit down for at least 30 minutes. Maybe watch something on TV, read a book, and enjoy my lunch (aka not see how fast I can eat)! If I had a "job" (outside the house) I would get a lunch break, so it's kind of the least I can do for myself!

First day is today, and I can't wait! :) I'm in the middle of the second Hunger Games book, and I have a couple of TV shows DVR'ed that I could watch!

Restart

When I ran cross-country in high school, at the beginning of a big race if any of the runners fell within the first 100 meters, they would call everyone back and restart the race. I wish we could have a restart on our year because we haven't gotten the proper footing, and we're off to a poor start.

JT has pneumonia. I've had him on strict bed/recliner rest. Even though he's been on antibiotics since Friday, we aren't noticing much improvement so he's going back to the Dr. tomorrow just to be safe.

Despite completely disinfecting our house (twice!) and avid hand-washing, it was inevitable and CJ has caught the cold. :( Just praying that it doesn't develop into anything worse like it did for JT and me.

Christmas decorations are still up. And our dead Christmas tree is sitting there begging me to be undecorated. Between trying to get healthy and trying to take care of my boys, it just hasn't happened.

And speaking of Christmas, we were supposed to go to Disneyland last week to see the Christmas decorations there and celebrate CJ's birthday early, but obviously that couldn't happen. I know we can see them next year, but disappointing none-the-less.

I DO realize in the grand scheme of life none of these things are THAT bad, and we still have so much to be thankful for. But it's just been a long 9 days, and I'm hoping this isn't an indicator of how our year is going to go.

New Year

First day of 2012. Much like when we move somewhere new, we've got a clean slate. All the promise and unknowns...exciting and scary all at once!

2011 was a big year for us. CJ went from being a baby to a toddler. JT graduated with a Masters, and wrapped up his 3 years back in school. We moved from Michigan to California and started our new chapter here. Despite all the changes, I feel like it was a good year overall.

I want to be realistic for my goals for 2012. Realizing that with the birth of baby girl, there are going to be LOTS of hard changes. Especially on me. Being a stay-at-home mom with a VERY active toddler is challenging enough, and this year we'll be adding a newborn to the mix. Should be interesting. My main goal for the year is to survive.

Other goals for 2012:

1. Get more involved in a church here and go more regularly.
2. Spend as much quality time as I can with CJ before his little sister arrives, and make sure we still have special CJ/Mama time after she is here.
3. Make dinner more/eat healthier. And prepare freezer meals before baby's arrival.
4. Be more engaged with JT and be a better wife.
5. Complete unfinished photo albums/scrapbooks/projects before baby arrives.
6. Potty train CJ!!
7. Start a compost pile.
8. Replant my garden in the Spring. (might not happen depending on how big I am/how I'm feeling).
9. Once baby is born, savor each moment with her, because I now know it will pass too quickly!
10. Nurse baby girl for a year.
11. Get baby to take a bottle!!! (CJ refused and it was really hard on me never getting a break from feedings).
12. After baby arrives, start walking, then hopefully ease back into running after taking 5 years off! (find a double jogging stroller on Criagslist?!)
13. Do better about remembering birthdays/anniversaries & sending cards.
14. Keep in touch better with friends and family far away.
15. Nurture new relationships here in California from acquaintances to friends!

I think most of this stuff is pretty attainable, but my type-A planner personality will also have to "let stuff go" if I can't accomplish it all. Like I said, main goal is survival, and taking the best care of JT, CJ and baby as I possibly can! Wishing everyone a wonderful 2012, may it be your best year yet!!

The reality beneath the façade

You read all these posts about us having fun, and going to the zoo every week and might think to yourself, "geez, that must be nice..."and while it is nice, life isn't nearly as perfect as what it may seem. This is my blog, and I choose to share and record the happy moments (because those are the ones worth remembering anyhow!) but in an effort to be more authentic, I thought I'd share a little more than what usually appears on the surface.

The reality is that moving every 3 years is HARD. This is my third duty station with JT and while I do enjoy military life overall, it isn't easy. It is hard starting over, over and over again. It is hard being on the opposite side of the country from all your friends and family. Even silly stuff that no one thinks about like learning your way around new grocery stores adds an extra challenge to everyday life. When you first get somewhere, it is so exciting and new, full of promise. But as time wears on, the newness wears off and reality sets in. This is where we live now; we're not on a vacation. There is no going back to all the familiar places and people we knew. Making friends and making a place feel like "home" take time, and that time, in all honesty, can be kinda lonely.

The reality is that I am LONELY! Please don't get me wrong, I LOVE staying home with CJ, and realize how fortunate I am to have this time with him right now. CJ and I go to the zoo a lot, but we do it by ourselves. I'm not trying to complain, but he can't exactly carry on a conversation with me just yet. Days when family and friends call me on their lunch break or on their drive home from work are great! I check my email about 500 times a day on my phone hoping to get an email from an actual person. I know that this is just a phase, a lonely phase until we make some friends here or someone comes to visit us...but knowing that this will pass eventually doesn't make the days right now any less lonely.

I'm not throw myself a pity party, but just trying to paint a complete, honest picture of what life can be like for a stay-at-home mom right after a big move: HARD and LONELY.

JT's time off of work couldn't have come at a better time for me. Selfishly, it was so wonderful to have someone to talk to, do things with and help out with CJ. And all the family time was an added bonus. :) CJ and I are headed to SC in a week, and I am really looking forward to that precious time with family and friends. When you only get to see your family twice a year, you really don't take that time together for granted!!

Where were you?

It was 10 years ago today that the horrible terrorist attacks took place in our country. JT and I have been watching the shows on TV this week. It is important to see and to remember the sacrifices of those innocent people who died that day, as well as all their families.

And as a military wife, the fact that we've been at war now for 10 years because of this, is never far from my thoughts. We've known several people stationed in Iraq and Afghanistan, and no matter your political stance, it's so important that everyone also remember those who have died protecting our freedom, and those that continue to serve our great nation.

JT joined the Navy in January 2001. Just like the rest of the country, he had no way of knowing that in just 8 short months, we'd be at war... I am so proud of my husband, and his service for the United States of America.

When I was growing up, my Mom always told me about how she could remember exactly where she was when President Kennedy was assassinated. I suppose that September 11th, 2001 is "that day" for our generation. Oh how I wish I didn't have one of those memories...

1o years ago today, I was a freshman in college. I had just got back from my 8 o'clock class and my roommate was watching the news unfold on the TV in our small dorm room. At first, I didn't realize the gravity of the situation and thought it was probably an isolated incident similar to smaller bombings, etc. But, as I saw the second plane hit, it started to set in how serious this was. I was scared. I'd only been at college for less than a month, and looking back that was A LOT for a "new adult" 4 hours away from home, with no friends, family or boyfriend within hugging distance to try to process. I can't believe that we had classes the rest of the day.

I was really worried about JT. He was stationed in Quantico, which is close to DC, and I hadn't heard from him/been able to get in touch with him (because the base was on EXTREME lock down!)

I thought the way I could best share "where I was" on that day, was by sharing some excerpts from a letter I wrote to JT on September 11, 2001. My handwriting has changed in these 10 years, but the feelings are still so fresh.

Dearest JT,

Right now I am in shock. I cannot believe the chaos going on in our country right now. I am so worried about you. I cannot concentrate on class. I just keep praying to God for your safety. I have never been so scared in all my life as I am today. I've been crying all morning and I feel so sick right now. I wish that I knew where you are right now, how you are doing. How can our country be victim of this sort of attack?! This is unreal. Why can't those terrorist keep their conflicts to themselves? Why kill innocent Americans? What do they gain from hurting us so?! Perhaps this is the beginnings of the end predicted in Revelations? All our dreams of marriage, children, true happiness, could be that: just dreams...

JT was FINALLY able to call me late that afternoon. I was SO relieved to talk to him and hear that he was safe. And looking back on this letter 10 years later, I feel SO incredibly blessed that our dreams have come true: Marriage, a baby boy, true happiness. Even last night at 2am when CJ was crying inconsolably (teething?), I was thinking I am SO thankful on this day and everyday to have this boy as I rocked him back to sleep.

Today I am praying for everyone affected by the events of September 11, 2001. May God bless America.

Does this make me famous?!

I didn't know that Angelina Jolie was one of my blog readers!! Imagine my surprise when I was reading the August 29, 2011 People magazine and she was talking about their choice to live a nomadic lifestyle and was quoted saying "Home is wherever we are". Thanks Angelina, I couldn't have said it any better myself! Oh wait, I already did! ;)

The Help

Last night JT said to me, "You know, you can blog about other stuff besides CJ..." Well, if my own hubs is saying that, then surely y'all must be thinking the same thing. Ha ha! I just really don't have too much else to write about right now...

I guess I can talk about The Help, both the book and the movie. I read the book in under 48 hours, which is saying a lot as the Mama of a toddler! I would stay up late reading it, and then one night, I was even reading it at the dinner table. Sorry JT!! But I just could not put it down! Then, last week, I had the chance to see the movie at "Mommy Movie Monday". The theater shows a film at 10am to Moms and their kids, with the lights turned up and the sound turned down. It's just other moms, so everyone is understanding if your baby is hollering or talking. I have to brag a little and say that CJ did GREAT!! I just kept him strapped into his stroller facing me and let him watch Cars on the iPad while I got to watch The Help. :) I loved both the book and the movie! The book was of course better, but I must say that the movie was one of the better book to screen translations I've ever seen!!

The character that I felt myself identifying with, strangely enough, was Celia. Other than the big boobies, we are very similar! ;) She is on the "outside" of the popular crowd, struggles with infertility and can't cook. Overall, I just felt a kinship with her, because she is so sweet!

Anyhow, I don't want to give anything away, but I would DEFINITELY recommend reading this book, and then seeing the movie.

Movin' In is Hard to Do

Can't believe it's been so long since my last post! Sorry!! Every time I get a free minute to sit down to write this blog, something happens...

Either CJ REFUSES to go to bed (aka, "cries it out" for like 2 hours!!), or I lose track of time unpacking/re-organizing, or I get a stomach bug for 2 days. Yeah, the last one SUCKED. First time being REALLY sick since being a stay-at-home mom (other than a cold), and it was HARD.

There is so much to catch up on, I won't even fathom trying to do it all in one post. So, yes there are more posts coming! :)

We are LOVING San Diego so far! The weather is gorgeous, and there is SOOO much to do! And we are LOVING our new house!! It is coming along really well (all things considered!) Every room except the guest room is unpacked and "functional" (not perfect). I will share more pictures of that soon! CJ is enjoying all the freedom!

Just a few pictures to tide you over for now:

Eating breakfast like a CHAMP!! He is eating 3 pancakes, 2-3 turkey sausage patties, and fruit every morning! Homeboy loves his breakfast!!! Here he is holding a piece of "saw-saw" (sausage).

Driving his truck on the couch (and all over the house!)

Apparently his truck was dirty, because CJ put it in the dishwasher for us! What a good "helper" ;)

A little reading before bedtime, in his big boy "vroom vroom" jammies!!

The view of the sunset tonight from my backyard!!!

The Big Day

You know when you are planning your wedding, how it is this BIG date?! One that you know is going to come eventually and that you hope everything goes according to all your planning. Then the day comes and it is so surreal that afterwards you feel like the whole thing was a total blur?! Moving is just like your wedding day. That is how I feel, anyhow. It is a big life event that is SO emotional! I knew it was coming, and we did everything we could possibly do to "get ready", but now that it is here I really can't believe it!

The packers came Wednesday and Thursday and packed up the house for us. The military does hire the movers and take care of that aspect of the moves for us (how else could they expect people to move every 3 years?!). But, as a side note, there are SOO many other things that still go into moving that aren't as tangible as packing!

CJ is such a busy toddler, he was really wanting to help pack! (And also VERY confused about where those guys were taking his toys! Ha ha!)

Don't forget to pack my hangers!!

He had to take a snack break from all that hard work, right in the middle of the chaos!

And when all your toys are packed, CJ demonstrated how you can make a fun riding toy out of the trashcan liner!

The truck driver came on Friday to pick up all the boxes and load his truck with all of our materialistic belongings. CJ was a great supervisor!!

It's so strange and sad to see our house completely empty! We have so many memories here, both good and bad. Of course the best thing by far to have happened here is that this is where our family grew to include CJ. We experienced many of his "firsts" here, so it is rather bittersweet to move. But we are looking forward to this new chapter of our life, and all the unknowns (I'm sure both good and bad) that we will get to experience in a new house, as we make a new "home" for our family in California. We have a couple more days here in Michigan, wrapping up some loose ends, saying some more goodbyes and then we start our road trip out west on Wednesday!